Creating the Support You Need

A delightful practice that can add immensely to your equanimity is that of having a shomer [m] or shomeret [f] at your side throughout the wedding day. Shomer is from the verb to "watch or guard", this is your best friend or the closest person to you other than your intended who it would be a pleasure to have at hand at all times. This person answers the phone and the door, not you. S/he organizes runners for the missing bobby pin or wine glass that gets broken before the ceremony. S/he listens to your fears, witnesses your tears, and fends off difficult family dynamics happening in the wings if at all possible before even wind of it gets near you.

These shomrim have another vital role to play. S/he will witness the first step of the ritual of rebirth, immersion in a body of mikveh mayyim, living waters. Just like a womb, this pre-wedding practice when done in a place that respects its spiritual potential, can be an experience of transformation and preparation for being joined with one's beloved. Mikveh is also a great place to release inner tension and re-center during a time when privacy is otherwise quite difficulty to come by.