Dear Reb Shohama,

I recently lost my mother, who was not only a wonderful mother, but also my best friend. She had a very hard life, but always prayed to God and did good things for everybody. I don’t understand why God didn’t let her live longer. Sincerely, Joe

Dear Joe,

I am so sorry about your loss. It has left a big hole in your life, and you, understandably are very angry with God. God can deal with your anger. Tell God how you feel, and ask God to heal your pain.

Dear Reb Shohama, I feel so uncomfortable with the word God, yet I keep searching for a spiritual connection. The strange thing is that when I see a beautiful garden or even a beautiful flower, I find myself thinking “Thank you, God.” Does this make any sense to you? Thanks, Renee

Dear Renee,

Yes, it makes a great deal of sense to me. You probably were raised with a forbidding concept of God as a serious old King on a throne, and have not adequately explored Jewish theology as an adult.

The vision quest is an ancient part of Jewish practice, documented in the Bible. Again and again the primary metaphor of Moses’ adult life is that of climbing a mountain in order to speak his heart and receive the insight and guidance he needed to sustain a meaningful life for the people in his charge. The importance of being able to reach out beyond yourself in this way, to pour out your soul and be able to listen for guidance is something youth deserve to experience and know how to do.

Thjs example of a Jewish Life Mentoring (hashpa'ah) session involves conflict between a Christian father and his adult Jewish son. It is shared with the permission of the individuals involved, as are all stories in this series. All names have been changed to ensure and respect privacy.

1. Focusing Invitation: “I wonder if you might take some time to sit quietly and share with me what is bothering you.”

G*d said to Abraham:
Sarai, your wife,
no longer call her
by the name Sarai,
for Sarah is her name,
and I will bless her. . .

When the sacred name of a soul is heard in the heart of her mother, the name is said to resonate in every dimension of Being. This is the name through which your or your family announces your presence in the covenant of our people. This name is how you will be known when coming up to the Torah and when a Jewish community prays for your well-being.

Jewish meditation offers a way to infuse each of facet of Judaism with deeper meaning. Jewish meditation is not an end in itself, rather a partner process for healthy Jewish living. Reports of meditation experiences are widely found in Jewish sacred texts. For example:

For this to be a meaningful rite of passage, youth need something more than tutors who help with memorizing how to chant Torah and prayers; meaning-making mentors can be life-saving relationships. Mentors don’t have to be experts in the tradition, although your tutor might also be a perfect mentor, that's for you to say after reading this article. The best mentors love their lives and their connection to Judaism. A good mentor might be a great cook, artist, journalist, or doctor who is deeply, organically connected to living as a Jew in his or her own way. Who relates to Judaism and life in ways you truly admire? Might they be willing to mentor for your bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah process?

As the parent(s)/guardian(s) of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student become known to their peers in religious school, or through another context, it becomes clear that this experience is an initiation for them too, into being parents of a(nother) teenager, an evolving adult. This is a season of new parenting skills and perspectives.

One community of which I am aware holds a session of Bar/Bat Mitzvah prep where the parent(s) aren’t present so that the youth can outline any concerns that have been repressed. At such a session an assignment is planned for the parent(s)/guardian(s) that will help them prepare for the B-mitzvah day.